The marriage quality is more important than the marriage status**
People in unhappy relationships have a 3-step to-do list
- go through a soul-crushing break-up
- emotionally recover
- find a great relationship
The divorce rate is 50%, but 86% of young people assume their marriage will last forever.
choose a life partner means choosing a lot of things: parenting partner, eating companion or 20,000 meals, travel companion for 100 vacations, leisure time and retirement friend, career therapist,…
people tend to be bad at knowing what they want from a relationship
You don’t get good at something until you’ve done it bunch of time. However, there’s just not enough time.
Society has it all wrong and gives us terrible advice.
- society encourage us to stay uneducated and let romance be our guide
- society places a stigma on intelligently expanding our search for potential partners. our current opportunities wins over our preferences. people end up picking from the whatever pool options they have. So the suggestion is to broaden the candidate pool by doing a lot of online dating, speed dating and other systems, instead of hoping for the dumb luck.
- society rushes us.
several unhappy relationships
- overly romantic. he repeatedly ignores the little voice during the constant fight, shutting down the voice with thoughts like “everything happens for a reason”, “I’m totally in love with her, and that’s all that matters”
- fear driven. fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, fear of being judged or talked about, which lead us to settle for a not-so-great partnership. However, the only rational fear we should fee is the fear of spending the 2/3 of life unhappily.
- Externally- influenced. It may look great from the outside, but not actually great from the inside. He listens to others over his own gut and ties the knot.
- Shallow. A strongly ego-driven person is more concerned with the on-paper description of her life partner than the inner personality beneath it.
- Selfish. Wants to keep her single life and the benefit of having someone. Self-absorbed without returning anything. never compromise.
What makes a happy life partnership?
To succeed at something big, is to break it into its tinniest pieces and focus on how to succeed at just one piece.
Marriage isn’t the honeymoon, isn’t Valentine’s Day. It’s Forgettable Wednesday
why they’re my friends?
I enjoy spending time with them!
If you stuck in a traffic, who do you want to spend time with?
The ability to extract fun out of unfun situations.
A respect for each other’s brains and way of thinking. If you don’t respect the way someone thinks, you’re not going to want to tell them your thoughts on work each day, or on anything else interesting that pops into your head, because you won’t care that much what they have to say about it.
A decent number of common interests, activities and people-preferences.
In such friendship, you have endless room to deepen and grow richer.
Most comfortable position in a chair for 12 hours
You know even the slightest bit of discomfort would grow to pain and eventually, torture.
- secrets are poison to a relationship, because they build an invisible wall.
- If I am with someone with a different wavelength, I soon becomes exhausted.
- Human have flaws. The worst fates would be to spend most of your life being criticized for your flaws.
- John Gottman,positive/negative interaction should be at least 5:1
Expect to put great effort in relationship
- learn the good, consistent communication style
- Mental equality. If one person dictates the mood, needs or opinions over others, in a way they’d need stand for being treated themselve, it’s not going to last long.
- Every relationship is flaw, don’t make things even harder than they need to be.